An Evil Old Toad
by PsychoIdiotLady
Summary: This is a "The Herald of A New Age" AU. My Co-Author and I were intrigued when Gwaine stated that "my sister's an evil old toad," so….. We've decided to see if Gwaine's sister is, indeed, an evil old toad! Takes place AFTER the episode. By A1 and A2. IMPORTANT! No OC pairings! Nobody falls in love with the OC! In fact, it's quiet the opposite! Discontinued.
1. In Which Gwaine Throws A Tantrum

**AN EVIL OLD TOAD**

**Chapter One: In Which Gwaine Throws A Tantrum**

**By: A1&2**

**IMPORTANT! No OC pairings! Nobody falls in love with the OC! In fact, it's quiet the opposite!**

**Author's Note: This is a "The Herald of A New Age" AU. My Co-Author and I were intrigued when Gwaine states that "my sister's an evil old toad," so….. We've decided to see if Gwaine's sister is, indeed, an evil old toad!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Merlin!**

"Gwaine!" Percival, Leon, Merlin, and Arthur caught up to the other knight, who was heading towards Elyan's chambers. "Didn't think you'd go visit Elyan without us, did you?" asked Arthur, who was enjoying the disappointed glare Gwaine was giving him. Gwaine forced a smile.

"No, no, of course not, Princess," He said. The group barged into Elyan's room as he was changing. Gwaine stole his pants from the bed and the knights began a game of keep-away, which was foiled by Merlin, who dropped Elyan's pants in a fit of clumsiness.

"Thanks Merlin." Elyan said, deciding to ignore the fact that Merlin hadn't meant to help him win over his pants.

"So, mate, how does it feel to be possessed?" Gwaine asked, clapping Elyan on the back. Elyan shuddered, then came up with a fool proof plan to shut Gwaine up.

"How does it feel to have an evil old toad for a sister? Bet you'd be eternally grateful to get rid of her, huh?" Elyan taunted. Gwaine's face turned red as everybody in the room turned to stare at him.

"Wait, Gwaine has a sister?" Arthur asked.

"Why haven't I heard of her?" Merlin whined, slightly offended. Gwaine glared forcefully but kept his mouth shut.

"Tell us. We're your friends." Percival said.

"Come on, _Sir_ Gwaine! We'll try not to laugh." Leon said unconvincingly. Gwaine was the only one who seemed to think the situation was serious.

"There isn't anything to laugh about. I _had_ a sister. Now I've got an evil old toad I'll hopefully never see again." Gwaine said, crossing his arms over his chest and staring hard at the ground. The other knights, the Prince, and Merlin finally realized they'd hit a sore spot on their normally jovial drunkard.

"Right…. Well, maybe we should go to the tavern? That always makes you feel better." Elyan suggested, feeling guilty that he'd hurt his friend. Gwaine shook his head.

"I don't need to feel better! Go to the tavern if you want." Gwaine said, shoving past everyone and stalking towards his own room.

"Let's go hunting. You know where we'll be if you'd care to join us, Gwaine." Arthur called after him.

Confused about everything that had just happened, the group slowly shuffled away. Merlin grabbed Arthur's arm.

"Go on without me. I've still got to polish your armor." Merlin said. Arthur hit him over the head.

"When I get back I expect to be able to see my face on every inch of it- and find out what's wrong with Gwaine." Arthur whispered the last bit so the person in question wouldn't hear. Merlin nodded. He never polished Arthur's armor by his own will- so what else had the stupid prat expected him to do if not to find out what was wrong with Gwaine?

Merlin found him lying in his bed, angrily staring at the ceiling.

"You can tell the Princess that if he has a question he can ask me to my face." Gwaine said. Merlin shrugged.

"I would've come even if Arthur hadn't told me to. Do you want to….talk?" Merlin asked.

"No," Gwaine said, shaking his head. "Talking never helps. It never makes sense, either."

"You'd be surprised what happens when people listen. I mean, I'm sure Lamia wouldn't have been a problem if you idiots had listened to me." Merlin said, trying to lighten the mood. Gwaine smiled ruefully.

"Listen? Nah, I suck at that. Now go polish the Princess' armor."

-:-

"ARTHUR!" Merlin yelled, barging into his master's room. "He's gone! I can't find him anywhere, and his horse is missing!"

Arthur looked up from his very important speech, then decided that he would just let Merlin write it for him later. Speaking of Merlin…..

"Who's gone, Merlin? Your imaginary friend?" Arthur asked, bored out of his mind. Merlin's next words snapped him out of his daze.

"Gwaine. Is. Gone. Gone! Just, poof! Disappeared!" Merlin said hysterically.

"Get the other knights-we ride out immediately! And inform Agravaine that he shall be taking over for a brief period of time, and that he is not to tell anyone of this!"

An hour later, and Gwaine's faint but traceable trail was being pounded into the earth by King Arthur and his knights, along with a skinny serving boy who looked like he would snap in two at the next gust of wind.

"His trail heads into Gawant! Do we keep going, sire?" Leon asked, slowing his horse.

Arthur overtook Leon and shouted back, "Lord Godwyn is an ally of Camelot! If we don't find Gwaine today, we will be welcomed at his castle."

"Perhaps we should send a messenger, then," Leon suggested, catching up to his prince. "I doubt Lord Godwyn would like it if five people arrived unannounced." Arthur slowed his pace, his head tilting slightly in thought.

"Very well. Merlin! Ride ahead and inform Lord Godwyn that we will be visiting for a brief period of time."

Merlin blinked owlishly. "Why do I have to do it?"

Arthur sighed in exasperation._ "_Because, _Mer_lin, you're a servant." Really, why did Merlin have to be such an _idiot? _

"But what if there are bandits?" Merlin pleaded. "Or if there's a bear?"

"Then I suppose you'll have to hope you have a faster horse than you thought."

Merlin huffed, "_Fine," _and spurred his horse into a faster gallop.

-:-

"King Arthur!" Lord Godwyn greeted the young king with a welcoming smile. Servants – including Merlin – were already hurrying forward to take the men's bags and lead the horses to the stables. Well, Merlin was just standing there, bags in hand. "Welcome!"

Arthur bowed, and replied, "I apologize for such a short notice, Lord Godwyn. Had I known earlier that I would be making this trip, I – " Lord Godwyn cut him off cheerfully.

"Nonsense! It is always a pleasure to see a friend! And Elena was quite happy to hear that you were coming, too." He waved a duo over; one was obviously Princess Elena, while the other was quite obviously her servant.

"For those of you who have not met my daughter, this is Princess Elena, and her servant Adelaide." The two women curtsied, Adelaide more deeply than Elena. "Adelaide," he added, "please show these gentlemen to their rooms." Adelaide nodded, and hurried up the steps with the men following her.

-:-

"An' then, she goes and sets the house on fire!" Gwaine slurred drunkenly as he regaled his new drinking buddies with his story. "'Pparently, she was practicing a spell to bring our dad's stone rabbit to life, only she burned our house down!" His buddies howled with laughter, some not even sure why they were laughing.

"An' – an' this is the best part," Gwaine leaned in close, looking around to make sure that there weren't any outsiders following the conversation. No worries there – the "insiders" consisted of the entire tavern.

"Magic ain't allowed in Caerleon!" Gwaine hooted. "An' our land got confiscated!" The drunken men bellowed with laughter, and Gwaine suddenly felt a flash of rage.

"IT AIN'T FUNNY!" he roared. The tavern went silent. "OUR HOME GOT TAKEN AWAY BY THA' – THA' _NOBLE _AN' YOU'RE LAUGHIN'?" A blurry figure approached him.

"Come on, now, you said it was funny," he protested.

Swaying, slightly, he considered the man's words for a brief moment, studying his tankard of ale. Had he said it was funny? Because it hadn't been funny at the time – he could vaguely remember him and his sister snarling at each other, then watching in horror as the only life he had ever known was ripped away by a pig-headed, stuck-up jackass.

He decided the man was lying, and broke his nose.

-:-

Adelaide puffed slightly as she carried Elena's laundry. She had liked Elena when she met the woman, even if she _was _a princess and a future queen, but sometimes she regretted taking Elena's job offer. Honestly, the woman went through at least six outfits a day – one for breakfast, one for her midmorning ride, one for lunch, one for her afternoon ride, one for dinner, and one for her post-dinner ride. And she soiled them _all! _Well, she couldn't really blame her for clumsiness; Adelaide heard it hadn't been as bad as a couple years ago, but Elena still knocked over the occasional goblet or plate. She wished she could just use magic, but didn't dare get caught.

"Oof!" she grunted as she stumbled into someone. "Scuse me, mate. Laundry's heavy," she apologized as she backed up. Now she could see it was that boy, Marley or something, who had come riding in, announcing that King Arthur was terribly sorry, but one of his knights had had a temper tantrum and ran off to God-knows-where and that he needed a place to stay for a while.

"It's alright," Marley responded. "Adelaide, right? I'm Merlin." Oh. So it was Merlin, not Marley. Adelaide felt a small stab of guilt; it was so _noble-_like to forget a servant's name and for that servant to remember hers. Ferociously, she shoved down her guilt.

"Nice to meet you, mate. Gotta go get this washed now," She said curtly, and made to move around him. To her dismay, he pivoted to walk alongside her.

"That looks heavy," he remarked. "Here, let me help." Adelaide jerked away from the hand reaching out, again feeling slightly guilty as he gave her a vaguely hurt look. If she replaced the blue puppy dog eyes with brown ones – Adelaide pushed the memory back with a silent curse. _Damn _it!

"I don't need help," she snapped angrily. "I'm perfectly capable of doing the laundry on my own, thank you very much." Adelaide marched off, leaving a bewildered Merlin standing in the hallway.


	2. In Which Merlin Makes A Friend

**AN EVIL OLD TOAD**

**Chapter Two: In Which Merlin Makes A Mysterious Friend**

**By: A1&2**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Merlin, or this would have happened with a lot of shirtless Gwaine moments.**

"You practice magic!"

Oh. No. Crap. This was not supposed to happen. _Melvin_, servant to the King of Camelot, a King who rumor had it hated magic with every fiber of his being, was not, under any circumstances, supposed to walk in on her using magic to turn the fall leaves into horses and the castle statues into intricately carved pets. This was supposed to be her sanctuary- it was the Queen's old room, and had been undisturbed for more than twenty years. Except by her, of course.

"Look mate, I am absolutely sure that there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this!" Adelaide said, letting her enchantments slip off of the leaves and statues to make them still again. She looked anywhere but at Melvin. It wasn't his fault she wasn't careful enough with her magic.

"Yeah, and the perfectly logical explanation is that you practice ma-"

"Shut up Melvin!" Adelaide snapped harshly, chancing a glance at his hurt- but surprisingly not angry- face.

"How could you not remember my name? We've been working side by side for two whole days!" Merlin asked. He seemed to forget that he was in the presence of an illegal sorcerer.

"One and a half, mate! Not even that, since you were off helping your High 'n Mighty look for his missing knight for most of yesterday!" Adelaide shot back, hoping to further distract him from her magic.

"I thought we were friends." Merlin said. Adelaide snorted.

"Considering in a few seconds you'll have signed my death warrant, no, mate, we aren't friends." Adelaide hissed. Merlin, looking slightly ashamed, backed up and _closed the doors_.

"I'm not going to turn you in." Merlin said. Hope bubbled in his eager eyes. Adelaide simply gaped at him. Had she just heard him say he wasn't going to turn her in?

"Why?" Adelaide asked. Merlin took a deep breath, and his eyes flashed gold. Instantly, the leaves and statues reanimated themselves, with much more vigor and strength than before. Merlin had a goofy, overjoyed smile on his face. Merlin's expression was so different from _Hi_s that she wanted to cry.

"Because I have magic." Merlin said softly, almost laughing with the sheer joy of being able to tell someone- someone who he wasn't going to kill in a few seconds- his secret. Adelaide found herself mirroring his expression.

"You're King Arthur's servant," Adelaide began.

"Yes," Merlin said.

"And you have magic," She continued. Merlin nodded and urged her on.

"And you haven't tried to take over Camelot," Adelaide reasoned, "Which means that you're good, and one day, your little prat of a princess will realize that magic doesn't have to be feared!" she finished.

"Yes!" Merlin breathed, happier than he been in ages. And both of them erupted into laughter.

"_MER_LIN!" Arthur suddenly called, his shout echoing throughout Lord Godwyn's castle.

Seconds later, Princess Elena yelled out, "ADEL_AIDE_!"

Both servants jumped in surprise and whisked their magical creations out through the Queen's bedroom window, then raced away to their respective masters.

-:-

"Agravaine."

"Morgana, my lady."

"I trust you bring me good news? Perhaps the death of my dear brother?" Morgana asked wickedly, giving her uncle a cold smirk. Agravaine bowed deeply.

"Arthur has left in search of a runaway knight- he is such a fool, to have such a weakness for his people. He has left me in charge, and I daresay no-one could blame me if I was unable to hold off…" Agravaine indicated to Morgana with a flourish, "A High Priestess of the Old Religion." He left his words suggestively hanging in the air. A cruel, bitter smile slowly darkened Morgana's face.

"Well, then I suppose we must have a very warm welcome for my dear brother when he returns to Camelot." Morgana said. Agravaine beamed, glad that he had done something right for once, and left Morgana's hut, ready to send the Knights of Camelot on as many wild goose chases as he could. Soon, his beautiful, clever, jewel of a niece would take her rightful place on the throne of Camelot- this time, she would be there to stay.

-:-

To keep in the good graces of Lord Godwyn, Arthur was forced to stall. More specifically, he was forced to take Princess Elena out for a picnic, and was now making a fool of himself due to a distracted mind. Finally, Merlin came to his rescue, tired of hearing Arthur spin boring tales that rivaled the hilarity of George's brass jokes.

"Why don't you tell the Princess about the missing knight? I'm sure you won't run out of things to say about _him_." Merlin said, grinning at Arthur when he gave him the death glare. Princess Elena perked up immediately, and waved Adelaide over to fluff up her pillows.

"Yes! I'd love that! After all, I'm still mostly in the dark about your visit." Elena said forwardly. "So why did he run away?"

Arthur shifted uncomfortably, and Merlin winked at Adelaide, who settled beside him once more and had previously been just as bored with Arthur's tales.

"Well, Sir Elyan made the mistake of asking about his sister, and in a few hours _Mer_lin, the useless idiot that he is, discovered that he'd just up and gone. We followed his tracks here. I suppose he ran away to find his sister, though he did call her and evil old toad before leaving, so I can't imagine why he'd want to find her." Arthur said.

Princess Elena laughed and said, "That's strange! But who was this knight? You never said, so am I to suppose he's one of your more trusted knights?" Arthur nodded.

"Sir Gwaine, a noble knight of the Round Table."

Adelaide tensed next to Merlin, eyes wide.

"_Sir_ Gwaine? A _noble knight_ of the Round Table? _An evil old toad_? That bastard!" She spit out, seething. That insufferable little brat that judged everyone and didn't listen to anyone but himself had no right to come looking for _her_!

"A-Adelaide?" Princess Elena asked. Adelaide blinked.

"Don't mind me, mate. That wasn't meant for the world to hear. Now if you'd excuse me, Princess Elena, Princess- err, King Arthur, I'm going back to the Castle to...uh...do laundry." Adelaide said, ignoring the shouts from behind her as she walked away.

"The 'mate'! And calling me 'Princess'! How did you not see that, _Mer_lin?" Arthur said from far away. Adelaide broke into a run, heading for the nearest tavern, fully intending to drown her sorrows in ale.

-:-

Gwaine bellowed with laughter as he listened to the man's story. Something about how he found out his wife was cheating on him, but the man didn't particularly care because _he _was cheating on _her. _

"She's no' even tha' pretty," the man slurred drunkenly. "Don' see 'ow she got someone else. Our parenss set up the marriage cause we needed money an' she was rich." He paused to think for a moment. "Well, actually, tha' makes sense. Prob'ly bribed the poor man." The tavern erupted into laughter, so loud that he nearly missed the door opening and closing. In fact, he probably would have had the fading sunlight not reflected directly into his eyes.

In entered a pretty woman with brown hair and eyes. Gwaine considered swaggering over before noting the crow's feet around her eyes. She was probably in her late forties or something – too old. And a prude, he noted as she eyed the large group with disgust. Definitely not his type. He returned his attention to the story.

"An' – an' – an' my sister says I 'ad it comin'!" the man continued relating mournfully. "Tha' I was a dirty, rotten drunkard an' tha' I was lucky I wasn't sleepin' out on the streets!" Gwaine felt a stab of sympathy, and he leaned over to pat him on the back.

"Don' worry, mate," he said cheerfully. "I got a nasty old sister too. An old hag, prob'ly with wrinkles and jus' plain ugly by now. Las' time I saw her, she called me some nasty names an' burned down our house!" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the new woman's jaw drop as she glared at him. The rest of the people in the room, however, howled with laughter.

"They should make a group," the other man mused. "'The Nasty Old Hags'!" More laughter.

"They would terrorize the kingdoms, take over the entire land better than that witch, Morgana!" Gwaine bellowed. By now, he noted distantly, his vision was blurring.

_You should probably stop, _his sensible side whispered.

_And go back to dealing with reality?_ his immature side retorted. _No way! Order some more ale! _

Gwaine agreed, pushing away the sensible voice. He turned to holler an order to the barmaid – only to stop at the dark glare and the sneer on the new woman's face. Anger burned in his stomach. What right did that woman have to judge him? She was in the tavern, clearly to get drunk as well, or she would have come in much more . . . revealing clothing. Not that that would have helped – no man in his right mind would want to sleep with _her. _

Standing up, he began to totter over to the corner where the new woman sat, nearly dropping his tankard. _How long had he been at this?_ he wondered hazily. _Four, five hours? _The search hadn't been going to well – Godwyn's kingdom was _huge _and Adelaide had never had never had any real preferences of places to frequent. He'd finally snapped when one innocent lad had asked why his wife – the thought made him want to _puke – _had run away from him. So he'd asked for directions to the nearest tavern, and had ordered a round of ale, fully intending to drown his sorrows.

And as he tripped onto a table, his last thought was that he really should return to Arthur before the princess thought up some cruel punishment for running away so abruptly.

-:-

Adelaide slipped quietly into the tavern, her lip curling slightly at the large group of men gathered and relating sob stories. Not that she could really judge them – _she _was there to get drunk, too, but still. Some looked like they had been drinking since _noon. _Hell, a couple men were already draped across a table, snoring with a tankard of ale clutched to their chest like a stuffed animal.

She sat down in a corner, ordering a tankard of ale. She fully intended to ignore the men, but then –

"Don' worry, mate!" a slightly familiar voice slurred. "I got a nasty old sister too." Adelaide froze. _Gwaine! _She would recognize that head of hair anywhere – before she had left, Gwaine had cut his hair in such a way to attract women. She had teased him incessantly about it, reminding him that his one true love, _if _he got one, wouldn't care how he looked and that he looked like a girl and that women wanted manly men. Much to her dismay, however, the hairdo had attracted even more women than before, inflating his ego to gargantuan proportions. She snapped out of her reverie as he continued.

"An old hag, prob'ly with wrinkles and jus' plain ugly by now." Adelaide's jaw dropped. _He. Had. Not. _She was only eight years his senior! If she was an old hag of seventy, he was a lecherous old man at sixty! And he knew full well that she was a very lovely woman. She'd attracted as many men as he had women when they were younger.

"Las' time I saw her, she called me some nasty names an' burned down our house!" 'Lecherous monkey' was her _nickname _for him, the bastard! And he knew full well that that fiasco had been an _accident. _Adelaide downed the rest of her tankard with a snarl.

"They should make a group," the storyteller had mused. "'The Nasty Old Hags'!" Adelaide's hands clenched. Oh, she dearly wanted to kill those bastards . . .

"They would terrorize the kingdoms, take over the entire land better than that witch, Morgana!" Now _that _wasn't fair. She had started practicing magic because she wanted to _help _people like that poor smith! She certainly wasn't _evil. _Nor did she _terrorize _everyone, just the bullies and the perverts.

Adelaide heard a crack, and looked down at the handle of the cup. It had splintered. Oops. Ignoring the slightly broken cup, she glanced at the group again, sneering as she watched one man fall asleep, cradling his tankard. Men were idiots.

She was swept up by a wave of panic, however, as Gwaine began tottering over to her, splashing those around him as his cup of ale tilted crazily. How long had he been drinking? Adelaide wondered. Their family could hold their liquor well – their mother could empty a wine barrel before getting slightly drunk, as could she and Gwaine. Teetering came after hours and hours of drinking. She sat frozen as he continued to stumble over – running would just attract attention, not to mention she would have to pass him anyway to get to the door. Relief swamped her as he tripped and fell on top of a table, passing out as so many of the other men in the tavern had done so earlier

She was done, Adelaide decided. She was going to leave, drown her sorrows when Gwaine _wasn't _five feet away.


End file.
